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BLOGS FOR JANUARY 2014

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Week ending Sunday, January 26th, 2014
Self-Reflection is not a bad thing....
That is the theme this week for sure. After meeting so many new people I have learned what my inherent faults are. I don't want to say them all out here (though I don't think too many, if any at all, actually read the blog as I haven't seen any visitor entries in the guest book for over a year. So here's my open diary lol), I can say for sure that I have a bigger heart for others than I thought I did. Maybe that is getting as "right" with God as I can. I care about people and I love them. In fact, I can even fall in love TOO quickly as person. I don't think that is detrimental but I have found through the years the best thing to do is pull away fast when you see a crash coming -- and I have seen many of them in my life.

I also have an inherent nature to help others. I think I got that from my mom and I am more like my mom than I ever realized. She was the most loving, caring person I have ever known. She would lay her life down for others (and I would do the same and have put myself in harms way many times to defend others -- that's how I ended up cracking my dome -- trying to defend others). If it meant she wasn't going to eat that day because someone else was hungry, she would. That was just her nature to place others ahead of herself. I do that as well -- and sometimes I can be a bit selfish. So there is this internal battle to try to put aside the selfish side and I know exactly when I become that way. There's an inherent need that I think a lot of men in general feel. Maybe I am one of the few guys on the planet that battles with this enemy every time I meet someone new. Stop thinking about my own needs, put those aside and focus on theirs.

When I do that, I often find that my own needs get lost in the shuffle. I don't get angry about it or anything. I used to, but now I simply withdraw from that person when I feel there should be a 50/50 split but it ends up being 0/100 (and of course, I am the 0 part of that equation). So the lessons to be learned here are "Stop loving people so quickly -- and stop expecting them to love you back the same way". I know that sounds counter-intuitive to God's plan but He also said "If they will not listen you, knock the dust off your sandals as you leave..." In other words, if you feel people are shunning you or taking advantage of you, then simply walk away. It's one thing to help others, it's another thing to "enable" them all the time. Where is this life balance we're supposed to have in life and relationships? I wonder what happened to that glorious thing we're supposed to have in dating and marriage? I have no clue, apparently.

Anyway, work was good this week. I still have a cluster I have keep my finger over to see when the shoe drops, if it does. We do have a plan in place to take care of that thing when the time comes but it's had 100% of my focus for about 45 days now. I do need to get back on the training wagon when all is said and done as I have promised my boss.

Church was great as always this weekend and got to bring a friend with me that I have known for years. Used to work with her and she's a really good person so it was good to have her sit and listen to our Pastor speak and she loved the service too. Maybe the next time I am in Orange County I'll go listen to her Pastor speak. It's always good to see who is staying in God's word and who isn't. Knowing what I know now it's very easy for me to sort through what is being said and what is true to Him. It's fun to have someone with you at Church but that doesn't happen often with me. I don't usually have the opportunity to bring someone with me so back to my regularly scheduled program. :)

I'm sure if you are reading this blog (the few of you that may) none of this makes any sense. If you are reading this, do me a favor and sign the blog. I am just curious who IS actually reading my innermost thoughts. LOL. Maybe I am doing my own Psychological survey on myself but I think it's good for us to do that occasionally. That's about it for now. Need to get to the grocery store, do my chores and then I want to relax and rest. Back to my regular work outs on Monday and then next month my vacation to Florida. Hope you had a great week and talk to you later.

B.

Week ending Sunday, January 19th, 2014
It's always sunny in San Diego (Not Philadelphia!!)
Never seen the show however, I was thinking how sunny it was today and that I wanted to hit the beach -- then I remembered the playoffs were today. D'oh! Guess I'm not going anywhere today -- perhaps next weekend! Also, with weather like this I just want to throw the racing leathers on, hop on the CBR and head up to Palomar Mountain. Guess I better check the bike out -- tire pressure, oil change, etc. It needs it all. I'm also thinking it's not too late to see if we're finally getting some snow at Mammoth. Time for some snowboarding. Oh, I think I know what the problem is --I must have cabin fever! Haha.

Anyway, I am on call this week/weekend. So far it's been quiet. I had a small issue to deal with yesterday on the "problematic" cluster. Had to go to Engineering to get the OK to move data off. Right now if we delete any data we'll just have more corruption problems and this issue will never go away. My boss and I both agree, let's just bring in 4 more nodes, setup a dual cluster config and start all new writes to the new cluster. Problem solved. We'll be talking about that tomorrow for sure.

Great new Bible study at Church with Pastor Bob from Genesis again. Good place to dive back into the word and get right with God. I need to put more focus on Him and much less focus on me, what I think I want, what I think I need and how I can be a benefit to society. They did serve the homeless this weekend and didn't tell me however, it seems every time they set that up it's a weekend when I am on call. Maybe I need to find some other way to serve. Definitely would like to help these people get on their feet. Not feed them fish, but TEACH them to fish.

Ok it's time to make some lunch and get ready for the games today. Hope you have a great weekend and talk to you later.

B.

Week ending Sunday, January 12th, 2014
Good week.
A good and well, interesting week to say the least. Work is fine, though I was trying to get my training in this week and I haven't been able to do that so far. My boss and I talked on Friday afternoon and we both agreed I need to get some of those certificates ASAP just for my title alone. We'll definitely get that done ASAP as we have another body helping us carry the load because we have more equipment coming in. Needless to say, work is busy. VERY busy and that's a good thing.

Working from home -- so I have learned so far -- can be strenuous and well, boring at times too. Because I work so many hours and I am home alone sometimes I can just get stir crazy. However, making new friends has helped so I've been out of the house more often than I have been lately and just having fun. First it was Christmas and New Years and now a ride up to Hollywood over the weekend as well (along with a great dinner!). So yes, been having fun and making new friends so it's all good.

Church was great this weekend even though Pastor Bob wasn't speaking. We had a Pastor from New Zealand speaking the Word so it was an interesting perspective. I definitely enjoy my time with Horizon and it just keeps my head in check.

Honestly that is about it for this week. No Buccaneer football and unfortunately the Chargers just lost. Ah well, looking forward to next season. You all stay out of trouble and talk to you next week!

B.


Week ending Sunday, January 5th, 2014
Mentally thinking out loud....
So much stuff going on that I do not even know where to start. It's been a busy New Year already with work but not as bad as it has been since we had some equipment issues earlier in the month. Basically I have been "baby-sitting" the cluster to make sure everything finishes before we can make sure it's back up and healthy. Starting on Monday if things settle down a bit I will get back to my training so I can bang out my certificates. My boss and I both agree I need to get that done sooner rather than later but of course in IT, sometimes the fires have to be put out before you can do anything else.

I got invited to hang out with the same friend I spent Christmas with for New Years. It was fun to hang out but at some point it got to be a bit of a heated discussion about someone's personal issues. I don't like strife in family life. There has to be some common ground somewhere -- a place where intelligent people can kindly and intelligently discuss any issues and come to some mutual, neutral solution. I love to help other people, I really do. After the bad relationships I have had, I've learned so much. There's a saying that goes "Experience is what you get when you have failed many times in the process" or something to that effect. That rings true for me.

I have also learned that sometimes for your own sanity you have to walk away from bad situations. Let people digest whatever you have said, then walk away. You can say whatever you want but you simply cannot make them understand. I remember what I told an old boss who used to yell all the time, louder and louder with the same point. I simply told him "Raise your POINT, NOT your voice" and that finally sunk in with him. That is how I approach delicate conversations. Not by yelling back, but simply trying a different approach. People may not understand what you are saying the way you are saying it and I find that by trying a different approach, that tends to help out significantly.

I've also learned that no matter how much experience I have under my belt, I simply cannot fix every problem. I don't mean that I am trying to be an enabler (I am not), I can just see with clear vision what is going on and where the problems are and often I feel helpless that I cannot solve everyone's problems. And the biggest thing isn't just that, but also my own problems. I can become myopic to my own issues when feelings are involved. They seem to have a large influence on every bad decision I have ever made. It's probably one of the reasons why I have felt staying single and helping others is the best avenue for me and forgetting about my own wants/needs. If the relationship isn't good for you OR for them, walk away!

Church was fantastic this weekend (as it always is with Pastor Bob). The biggest point being that not only should God be the priority in your life, He should also be the CENTER of your life. That means everything involving your family, your friends, your job, relationships, etc. -- all of that should be God centered, God focused. How right he is about that! If you have God in the center of every situation in your life you can handle things much better.

That is about it for this week. No new changes in general. Hope you are enjoying the New Year, the NFL playoffs and in everything you do, you are blessed richly. Have a great weekend and will talk to you later!

B.

 
 
 
 
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